Reclaiming Kanyadan: A Response to Modern Misconceptions

The sacred rite of Kanyādāna has come under attack in recent years, with critics arguing it reduces women to property and perpetuates patriarchal structures. This criticism reached mainstream attention through advertisements like Alia Bhatt's controversial Manyavar commercial, which questioned traditional Hindu marriage customs.

These objections, while emotionally charged, demonstrate a fundamental misunderstanding of what Kanyādāna actually represents in Hindu consciousness. Let us examine these claims against the authentic scriptural understanding of this sacred practice.

1. The Modern Criticism Examined

The Primary Objection: Critics argue that Kanyādāna treats women as property or commodities to be "given away" rather than as independent individuals. Feminists contend that Hindu weddings are "patriarchal in nature and just take women for granted, treating them like commodities."

The Surface Logic: At first glance, the term literally means "giving away the daughter," which in a modern context of individual autonomy appears problematic.

However, this criticism operates from a materialistic worldview that fundamentally misunderstands the spiritual dimension of Hindu sacraments.

2. Understanding Kanyādāna: The Dharmic Foundation

Let us establish the proper understanding:

Kanyā: unmarried daughter
Dāna: an offering for a sacred purpose

In Dharma-śāstra, dāna encompasses far more than material transactions. We have vidyā-dāna (offering knowledge), kāla-dāna (offering time), and sevā-dāna (offering service). These are offerings to Bhagavān, not commercial exchanges.

(a) The Spiritual Identity Beyond Gender

In Hindu understanding, both man and woman are referents to bodies accepted by the soul in this birth and are not fixed to it. A soul may incarnate as man in one birth and woman in another. Both are merely upādhi—designations given in each birth of the eternal soul.

This foundational understanding immediately dismantles the "objectification" argument, as the practice recognizes the eternal spiritual nature of the individual beyond temporary bodily designations.

(b) Marriage as Sacrament, Not Contract

Marriage in Hinduism is one of the 16 saṁskāras. What is a saṁskāra?

"Saṁskāraḥ nāma guṇa-viśeṣaḥ, dravya-prayoga-yogyatā-kārakaḥ."

A saṁskāra is a special quality produced in a substance/person by a ritual act, which makes them suitable for dharmic purpose.

Examples:

Upanayana makes a boy fit for Vedic study
Puṇyāhavācana makes a pot fit for yajña

Marriage is thus a sacrament—a purificatory process—not merely a legal contract between two individuals as modern consciousness understands it.

(c) The Highest Offering

In every legitimate mārga under Hinduism, we find the concept of dependence (paratantra) on the deity. While the world glorifies independence, Hindu thought recognizes dependence on the Supreme Deity as the highest spiritual achievement.

Consider Kṛṣṇa's instruction: "mām ekaṁ śaraṇaṁ vraja"—abandon everything and surrender unto Me completely. In Śrī-sampradāya we have prapatti, in Madhva sampradāya ātma-nivedana, in Gauḍīya sampradāya "anukūlyena kṛṣṇānuśīlanam."

Offering oneself to the deity is recognized as the topmost spiritual act. Generally, a sādhaka requires years or lifetimes to achieve such surrender, precisely because of our attachment to independence.

3. The Sacred Reality: Whom Is She Offered To?

Here lies the crux that destroys the "objectification" argument entirely. What do the actual mantras of Kanyādāna declare?

Primary Mantra from Āśvalāyana Gṛhya Sūtra:

Idam asmai kanyām kanaka-bhūṣitām Viṣṇave tubhyaṁ sampradadāmi

Translation: "This maiden, adorned with gold and ornaments, I give to you, who are (a form of) Viṣṇu, desiring attainment of Viṣṇu's realm."

Witness Invocation:

Viṣṇuḥ sākṣī bhūtvā sarvadevatāḥ sākṣiṇaḥ. 
Putrārthe dharmārthe kanyām tubhyaṁ dadāmi

Translation: "With Viṣṇu and all the gods as witnesses, I entrust my daughter to you so that together you may perform dharma and continue the lineage through offspring."

The mantras explicitly state:

The bride is offered to Viṣṇu, not to the man as property
The groom is Viṣṇu's representative, not the owner
She is designated as sahadharmacarī—partner in dharma
The act is sacramental, not transactional, binding the groom to dharma

Additional Evidence from Manusmṛti: After Kanyādāna, the husband obtains the fruits of dharma together with the wife. She is his sahadharmacarī—equal partner in dharmic life.

The ceremony includes explicit blessings for shared spiritual purpose:

Saubhāgyavatī bhavatu, dhārmikī, suśīlā, pativratā. 
Tvayā saha dharmārthakāmān samprāpnotu

Translation: "May this maiden, righteous, virtuous, well-mannered, and intelligent, be joined with you in matrimony so that together you may fulfill dharma (duty), artha (prosperity), and kāma (love)."

4. Does "Dāna" Imply Ownership Transfer?

Claim: The word dāna means "gift," hence ownership transfer.

Reality: In śāstra, dāna has multiple sacred dimensions:

Vidyādāna → offering knowledge through teaching (no ownership transfer)
Annadāna → offering food for sacred purpose (sharing, not ownership)
Go-dāna → offering cow in yajña (ritual dedication, not commercial sale)

When connected with yajña and dharma-vows, dāna denotes entrustment to a sacred purpose, not property transfer.

Just as vidyādāna doesn't create ownership over the student, Kanyādāna doesn't create ownership over the woman. It establishes a sacred trust for spiritual partnership.

5. The Complete Ceremony: Partnership, Not Possession

The authentic Kanyādāna ceremony reveals its true nature through the vows and mantras that follow. After the initial offering, both bride and groom take mutual vows:

Mutual Vows (Pratijna):

Groom: dharme ca arthe ca, kāme ca, imāṃ nāticarāmi
Bride: dharme ca arthe ca, kāme ca, imā nāticarāmi

Translation: "In our mutual pursuit of spiritual development, in our mutual financial arrangements and in our mutual pursuit of pleasure and intimacy I shall never do the wrong thing by you."

During Pāṇigrahaṇam (Hand-Holding):

"I take your hand for wellbeing so that together we may attain to old age in happiness. 
The Sovereign Cosmic Principles; Enjoyment [Bhaga], Aspiration [Aryaman], Creativity [Savitar] 
and Completeness [Purandhri] have united us for the performance of our duties as householders."

The Sacred Dialogue:

"You are Primal Nature — I am all-pervading Spirit — You are Nature. I am the Sky — 
You are the Earth. I am the seed — You are the bearer. I am mind — You are Speech. 
I am the melody — You are the words."

This reveals the ceremony's profound understanding of complementary spiritual partnership, not hierarchical possession.

The Friendship Vows:

"You are my friend in life through these seven steps; may I attain your friendship, 
may our friendship bind us together; may we never cease being friends, 
may our intentions be of one accord, may our radiance be one, and our minds united."

6. The Spiritual Practice: Vivāha as Sādhana

Vivāha becomes a form of spiritual practice where the wife sees Viṣṇu manifested through her husband—hence the concept of pati-parameśvara. This is not submission to a man's ego, but recognition of divine presence.

When she touches his feet, it is not subservience to male dominance but spiritual practice—seeing the divine through the appointed form. Just as the highest yogī sees Bhagavān everywhere, the devoted wife develops this same spiritual vision.

The power this generates is real: śāstra records that a chaste wife has the spiritual power to burn down villages through her saṅkalpa. Anasūyā conquered Brahmā, Viṣṇu, and Maheśa, transforming them into infants through her spiritual potency gained from pativrata-dharma.

7. The Divine Foundation of Love

The ceremony also includes the beautiful Kāma-stuti from Ṛgveda, revealing love as a divine force:

"Kāmo ajñāt pūrvapathī vi jānann..."
"Who is giving what and to whom? Love is the Giver and Love the Receiver. 
Love has entered into the Ocean of Being. Through Love I receive you. 
O Love all this is for you."

This elevates the union beyond mere social arrangement to recognition of love as a cosmic principle uniting the couple.

8. Understanding the Historical and Cultural Context

It's important to acknowledge the practical dimension alongside the spiritual understanding. In most cultures, including Hindu society, the bride has traditionally been "given away" by her father. In ancient Hindu society, marriages were usually contracted at a young age when the bride was still under the guardianship of her parents, hence the concept of "giving away" had practical relevance within that social structure.

In contemporary times, most women are independent and already on a career path when they get married. Many marriages today are "love marriages" rather than arranged unions, and it is natural for a modern woman to have reservations about being "given away" when she has already established her own autonomous life.

This cultural shift doesn't negate the spiritual significance of Kanyādāna, but it does call for a deeper understanding of what the practice actually represents. The sacred mantras reveal that even in ancient times, the ceremony was about spiritual partnership and divine dedication, not mere guardianship transfer. The key is recognizing that:

The practical aspect (guardianship transition) was contextual to the social structure
The spiritual aspect (offering to Viṣṇu, sacred partnership) remains eternally relevant
Modern practitioners can embrace the spiritual essence while adapting the practical expression

9. Addressing "Why No Pati-dāna?"

This question misunderstands the nature of spiritual practices. Different adhikāris (qualified persons) have different practices—sometimes based on gender, sometimes on guṇas, sometimes on other factors aligned with cosmic principles.

Spirituality operates according to universal harmony, not political symmetry. The absence of identical practices doesn't indicate inequality any more than the absence of male pregnancy indicates discrimination.

Men have their own forms of surrender and spiritual offering within the marriage sacrament and broader dharmic life. The śāstra itself declares: "A man alone is nothing — he is incomplete. The perfect man is one who is completely united in harmony with his wife and children. These three are ONE." (Manu 9.45)

10. The Sacred Responsibility of the Husband

Far from granting ownership, the ceremony places sacred obligations on the husband:

"The husband receives his wife from the gods, he does not wed her according to his own will; in order to please the gods he must always support her as long as she is faithful to him." (Manu 9.95)

During the ceremony, the bride's father warns the groom not to act falsely regarding dharma, artha, and kāma, and the groom must give explicit affirmation. This creates accountability, not authority.

11. Conclusion

In conclusion, Kanyādāna, when understood through its scriptural foundations and authentic rituals, emerges as a sacred act of spiritual partnership and divine surrender—not a patriarchal transaction. The ceremony’s mantras, vows, and symbolism emphasize mutual responsibility, equality, and the eternal spiritual nature of both partners. Rather than reducing women to property, Kanyādāna elevates marriage to a transformative sacrament rooted in dharma and cosmic love. While modern criticisms often arise from materialistic or social perspectives, they overlook the profound spiritual intent and wisdom embedded in this tradition. Recognizing both its historical context and spiritual essence allows practitioners to honor the practice meaningfully, adapting its expression while preserving its sacred purpose.

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